finally putting this all into words

let me preface this blog with an apology. I'm sorry if this seems inappropriate or too much information for social networking, but i would like to share.

I have recently come to a conclusion about my personality. I talked somewhat about it in my previous post; i people please. I always thought i just didn't have opinions or that i was uneducated in certain aspects when i would get into debates or discussions of certain opinion based arguments. However, it has becoming overwhelmingly clear that i was just too afraid to offend anyone; or too afraid they would no longer view me in the same respect that they did prior to my opinionated statement. That being said, i would like to share something my beautiful sister, Hannah, showed me this morning.

The attached video is a man's poem to all women. He speaks of their importance; their beauty despite physical features. He pleas for women to see themselves for what they are, not what so many men have made them believe.
from a secular world view, i can see how it seems cheesy and unnecessary; but its entirely necessary.

It is necessary for ALL women (i said ALL) to see what their value is; to see who they are once labels, insecurities, past experience, and fears are stripped away. My apology from earlier towards the possibly inappropriate nature of my blog should be applied here:

I am a virgin. I am proud of it. It is a choice.

I am open about it and don't mind discussing it. I'm not embarrassed and i get a little enjoyment out of the apology i receive when people find out this fact; as if i am only a virgin because no one will have me.

I do not, however, shout it from the rooftops, make posters, or use it in my introduction to a stranger (although, i guess i'm kind of over sharing right now.. its for a purpose i promise).

I keep this tidbit to myself for the reason i always stay quiet. i don't want to make others feel uncomfortable. It's been my experience that people literally don't know how to process this information.

I say all this to make it clear that i have a purpose. It's not because i haven't been in a long term relationship yet, or that no one will sleep with me; its because i know God made me for a purpose. I know that he made each and every one of us to be GREAT and to do GREAT THINGS.
I believe that He loves me, no matter what. I have a tattoo of a sparrow on my side. I got it when i hit a low stage of insecurities; wondering if i was of any worth. i had been hurt and used just like anyone else has ever experienced in this world of ours, but it stuck with me. i questioned my value, my ability, my intelligence. I began to believe that i would always be in that place of numbness. I don't even remember when, but it was that beautiful timing God seems to have in my life. Right at my lowest, i found an old sketchbook i had. in it i had written:

"What is the price of two sparrows—one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows." Matthew 10:29

I had read that verse so many times, in so many other settings. but it then made sense. He takes care of all of His creations. He cares for every field rat and crow. He cares for the sparrow. HE CARES FOR ME.

I got the sparrow as a constant reminder. I am valued. I have worth. I am important. I am intelligent. I have potential.

It's been almost 2 years since i found that book and every day took more effort than i ever anticipated. I found achievement in the tiniest of things; getting out of bed before 3pm, paying a bill that was past due, emailing a professor about a missed assignment; the things go on and on. day to day, i felt like nothing changed, but two years later, i can see such a difference. I'm attaching the video to show all women and young girls, DON'T LET LIES DESTROY YOU. every false accusation that you believe is only to put you so far in darkness that you can no longer shine.

The man in this video is speaking TRUTH to you. it's almost hard to hear him speak because it is so easy to mock what he is saying. It is easier to mock than accept, easier to be numb than feel, easier to hide than stand tall.

I've run before. I have my hiding places. but i didn't want to hide this. If one girl could appreciate or take away anything i've said; I've served my purpose.

Remember to speak truth, believe truth, and face the lies with your greatness rather than accept them and falter.

KJC

A Man’s Promise from Christopher Beaudoin on Vimeo.

no one is making you read this

if you have had an opportunity to get to know me in the slightest, you would know that i am a people pleaser. for as long as i can remember i have never wanted to hurt anyone or have them feel uncomfortable or unintelligent. due to this tendency to accept and please, i have kept my voice silent (or kept my "news feed" clear). any time there is an election, a debate, a story of a dead celebrity, a "like my status and i'll tell you x and y!", or any other trend, i keep myself quiet. for the longest time i convinced myself that the reason i shouldn't debate political/religious issues, especially via facebook/internet, was because i was uninformed. i like to think of it as ignorance is bliss. but, honestly, i wasn't and am not currently ignorant on current events. but i don't find it necessary to always be the first to comment with my opinion. i'm not saying this to show how "humble" i am (wouldn't gloating be the antithesis of humility?) i'm saying this because i felt that my opinion, based on 19 years of learned behavior (morals, religion, culture, etc), may not apply to the person who posted theirs.

with that being said (here it comes; what you anticipated), the entire Kony 2012 campaign response has made me feel a different urge. instead of scrolling past that part of my news feed of a typical facebook trend, i read as many as were posted. and for the first time in my life, i want to use my voice...blog.. my words. they can be taken with a grain of salt. no one is forced to read anything on the internet. every time someone is opinionated and leaves a comment, they clearly read, watched, and spent time on what they're posting. they were never forced to participate. if you've read this far, i'd say you're either interested and willing to hear me out, or.. well.. i can't wait to hear your comments.

as many have made overwhelmingly clear, Kony has been an issue for well over 20 years. i don't need to go into detail, after today i don't know many that aren't sure what has been happening. however, up until today, i was one of those who didn't know. i had no idea who Kony was, what he was doing, the amounts that have suffered, etc. my heart hurt for those people; not like that emotion alone could benefit them. i can never imagine having to live in a constant state of fear; in a way that alters you for evil as means for survival. by the end of the video, i couldn't remember who the filmmaker was, where he was from, and honestly the name of the organization. i knew about a group of people who are hurting and suffering. and wasn't that the point? isn't the point of this campaign to raise awareness? no one should ever have to live in such a state of hell.

if you're still reading, here is why i began writing this in the first place.

whether or not the Invisible Children Organization is right, they did something to raise awareness. in 1 DAY they got to over 2,000,000. as someone who knew nothing of the issue 24 hours ago, i'd say they did a pretty damn good job getting your attention. the entire 11 year long organization began with a man making a documentary; a filmmaker. there is a huge issue on the military support and the finances and all things "KONY 2012". but now people know the reason this all started. all i can tell from any opposing party is that they still know that what is going on is awful and they want to see it end, but they may not agree with the campaign and its sparkle. THEN HELP. like i said, it started with a filmmaker. I am a photographer; don't expect me to know the first thing about an issue. but i can take pictures and i can get them seen. we are a visual people. we enjoy more graphics than text; and it gets our attention. This campaign is becoming viral in more ways than one; everyone is kicking and screaming their opinions on how wrong it is and where its flaws lie. step back, please? what do " The Invisible Children Non-Profit" and all its critics have in common? THEY ALL THINK KONY IS WRONG. so why are we making comeback videos against the IC on what they are doing wrong instead of coming together as a people and tweaking its flaws? easier said than done, i understand. but the video raised awareness, now lets find a way to solve a problem.

it's funny to me.. how being right is so important in human nature; how finishing on top matters, even if it's just a comment on facebook.

but the truth is, those children are suffering; they would rather die than live. and from the means of torture they have been forced to use upon those they love, i don't think a merciful death is even something to hope for. in the end, i don't think it matters to them if we have facebook fights, wore red bracelets, or even wrote a blog. they want to feel safe; something so many of us take for granted.

the awareness is there; now how can we use this to benefit those people? we all know how to find flaws but how do we encourage and change for the better?



i may be writing this specifically due to an issue raised, but i'm writing this with the heart of someone who is tired of division; exhausted from people arguing the details that keep us from the problem at hand.

take a stand to speak positively. criticize to be helpful, not to win.

love. accept. encourage. respect.

we will never grow as a group, a society, a country, or a world if we are divided by pride and honor.

united we stand and divided we fall. makes sense.


KJC