false reflection.

the reflection continuously taunts me, stretching and skewing from every fastened point. the beauty holds true in others eyes, I suppose, or so they say. be that the case, why are these eyes, the windows to my soul, so clouded and glazed by false accusations? The truth seems clear on paper, written in it's perfected calligraphy, dancing across the page; "beauty is of the soul, not the skin, for the skin ages and withers but the soul holds true to itself." oh how these words can be read and comprehended, but upon returning to that reflection, the script decays and no longer seems real.

KJC

sleepless nights

never did I know how fragile my soul was til I felt it shatter like porcelain with that single blow. my nerves shake like the leaves in the wind as I watch you go. my strength resembles that of styrofoam, shattering and flaking with every break, holding on with all it has left. the numbness is becoming comforting. almost like the pain isn't there, that is, until I breathe. a single breath invites every needle point of my thoughts to distrupt the comfort of the numbness, stabbing their way through my flesh. it's okay, when my eyes close and I drift from this painfilled world into my unconsious, there you are. juggling my everso fragile heart. forever I'll chase you in hope that you do not drop it, for when I wake up, I'll know how it feels when you finally let go.

KJC

my bucket list

    Finish this list

Write a song

Write a book

Be in a movie

Travel across the country

Travel across the world

Become left handed

Get an MLIA posted 1/18/10

Enter and win contest

Get a 3.5

Save someone’s life

Donate to a charity

Wake up without an alarm

Learn guitar

Learn piano

Kiss in the rain

Bungee jump

Sky dive

Give blood 11/14/09

Graduate from college

Go to Disney world

Write my name in wet cement

Scuba-dive

Watch the sunset and sunrise in one sitting

Be in a play

Ride in a hot air balloon

Christmas in new york and paris

Go camping

Go fishing

Inspire someone

Give up soft drinks for a year

Take voice lessons

Learn to dance

Learn to juggle

Get a tattoo 4/7/10

Find the meaning of happiness

Write and submit a completed poem

Make someone proud

Take a road trip

Become an actress

lessons learned

As this semester winds down to a close i realize how much time i genuinely wasted. Every nap i took, every minute of television i watched, and every website i visited, i wasted hours upon hours of what i could have channeled toward keeping my scholarship. I have no idea where i stand as of right now. If i kept it, then God has been really gracious to the undeserving. If i did not, i consider it a lesson learned. 

Also i begin to realized that in these past 4 months, i have done a complete 180 and now view who i am and what i believe so much differently. now that i've spent the time on figuring out what i want to do, i have to start actually pursuing my dreams. i also want to spend the next year filled with self discovery. I know what my dreams are but its time for me to find if i'm good at it or not. if i am, i guess i've found my career. if not, lesson learned.

KJC