broken

I'm broken. not that I ever was whole. not that I can remember; being whole, a time without you. so many, so faded, so distant. for a moment I had hope; call it faith, even. I believed you were real. or at least the you I wanted to be real. the you, that is, before I knew the truth. I almost wish it were still lies. it was easier than this. less painful. easier than the hole, the heartache, insomnia. I miss you.