where did you come from?
what are you made of?
when did you form?
questions i can't answer.
stone, strong, and bulletproof.
soundproof, overshadowing, and forever there.
BREAK.
i want to answer those questions!
you didn't come from one specific circumstance, it is impossible.
you were created, for me and by me. created for my protection, created by my fragile heart.
you are made of dishonesty, broken promises, and every single time i lost trust.
you've been forming my whole life. if i had known i were building you, i would've destroyed you at your weakest. but now, now you are stronger than ever.
IMPENETRABLE.
you were created, for me and by me. created for my seclusion, created by venomous defense.
you are made of fear of lies, fear of unrequited promises, and fear of losing the trust given so seldom.
you've been forming my whole life, higher and higher until no one is let in.
outside, you are defended by the scorching thorn traps of hatred and anger; flaming dart words refuse anyone closely approaching.
much like rapunzel trapped by her master, i am trapped by mine; fear.
the fear alone did not build you, however.
it was only the mere foundation.
each stone, brick and layer laid contain the distrust and lies i witnessed in others' lives. each piece of resentment i've held to those who have hurt the one's i love.
each layer of cement contains the tears, and pain i shed and felt for those i know. the one's who wouldn't fight for themselves.
my guarded wall was made for them.
the outside flames were built from the words spoken to those who i can no longer trust, the one's my loves have already forgiven.
my heart will never feel the pain they have once felt..
or has it already?
has my own defense mechanism weakened my own fragile heart? is it crumbling in shadowed darkness and lonesome quarters of the protective wall?
please! please fall! crumble before my only heart does! or else, all i will know is the cold, dreary chamber i've lived in for a lifetime.
i want to see the light of passion. i want to venture out to smell the fragrant scent of peace. i long to feel the the softness of the love so many have known. can i please taste the bittersweet roots of forgiveness? let me hear the sound of him calling to me, "you are mine forever, and i will NEVER hurt you."
KJC
KJC
